People (parents) often wax lyrical about all the things they used to do pre-kids that they can’t do any more, either because it’s just not worth the pain (boozing/hangovers) or because it’s just not worth the pain (far flung holidays/toddlers on a motherf**king plane)
In an effort to swing the balance back in our favour, I was trying to think of things I did NOT like doing before I had a kid that I like doing now. Note I am being very positive about all these things, because I know you know that we know they aren’t really all that fun. Sigh.
Anyway!
Being The Designated Driver
Yes, I know I can’t drive yet and have failed 5 tests and counting but I WILL pass VERY soon and then I shall relish being the designated driver. I shall laugh gently at the hungover ones. I will skip in a merry and non-green manner to the park where I will not have a pounding headache and a very real desire to vault the fence and dive under the 103 to Romford. I am sure I would not have liked being the designated driver in my pre-baby days.
Swimming
I was never much a fan of swimming before (except on nice holidays) Chlorine, wet cozzies and skanky changing room floors never really did it for me. Now however I get to thrash around with an octopus disguised as a five year old determined to drown himself in the freezing big pool before vacating to the baby pool where I get to sit in baby wee. Wait, that doesn’t sound fun – why is it fun? Well he really enjoys it and it makes him marginally more tired of an evening. Straws here people.
Holiday Camps
They are brilliant. You arrive and your kid immediately disappears into a feral pack of children who spend their days marauding up and down the campsite chasing a ball/each other/someone’s misbegotten hound of indeterminate breed. Occasionally they return for a plaster and some orange squash, but the rest of the time you get to sit in a deckchair with a lukewarm cider and a feeling of well being at being well left alone. Winning! I used to hate the idea of a holiday camp holiday but now I’m the first one packed and in the car.
Cups of Tea
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m British and have always enjoyed a good cup of tea. Especially when I used to have a job that I loathed to my very marrow. I figured spending 5 minutes a pop making a cup of tea and drinking at least 12 a day whiled away a good hour total. Now though, now that the years of making endless cups only to happen upon them an hour later all cold and scummy are essentially over, the joy of a nice hot cup of tea and a snuggle on the sofa is renewed. Especially when the biscuits that I’ve hidden haven’t been sniffed out by the men in my life and scoffed, and I actually get to dunk a couple (digestives, if you’re interested)
Lying
I’ll be honest here (ahem) but I am SUCH a liar. I fib all the time. “I forgot” is usually my untruth of choice (though to be fair, I DO forget a lot of things, it’s not my fault it’s my wonky thyroid and blogger brain fog). This aside, I never enjoyed lying. Now however, not only can it be great fun, it can also be really useful! Yes Rian, that plane IS going to Stanstead (I don’t know where the feck it’s going and I don’t care) Be good, Father Christmas is watching you now! (See also: Go to bed, Eat your dinner, Do your homework – Autumn/Winter is the time of all the Father Christmas lies. YES he can see all you children! He has ELVES! I can TEXT HIM!!!)
Sloppy Kisses
Urgh, there’s nothing worse is there? Leaning in for that first (second, third if you are desperate) kiss with someone only to discover that – horror – your mouths aren’t a match and there’s slobbering going on. YUCK. Your kids however, nothing better. That first wild-eyed, open mouthed lunge your baby makes towards your face, usually landing on your chin and sliding off to faceplant your boobs. You know what it is though – kisses! Best kisses ever!!
I’ll freely admit that most of these are me totally clutching at straws. Have you got any better ones, things that sucked pre-kids but that now kick arse?
I love a holiday club and any after school or extracurricular activity. Mr Jones practicically did a dance as we left for school yesterday knowing Mondays means an extra hours peace as she goes to choir! Thanks for hosting #chucklemums
Love all these, although I think holiday camps haven’t quite come into their own for me just yet. Piglet’s a bit young for kids club and I spent most of our holiday being astonished that anyone actually plays bingo. #chucklemums
Getting up at 6am. Gives me so much more time to piss about on the Internet than before!! And blogging – parent blogs are much easier to write as a parent #chucklemums
Lying (eek) and sloppy kisses are my favourite. And I’m totally using the ‘Father Christmas is watching you now’ line for the foreseeable future! Lovely.
Thanks for hosting #chucklemums
Love these! Definitely with you on the tea front. I’m also loving the fact that post-kid meet ups nearly always involve cake too! Probably as it’s one of the only food types that requires minimal preparation (because I mean seriously – who actually bakes themselves any more?) and can be enjoyed cold and eaten in swooping handfulls as you race past the table at soft play whilst chasing a couple of feral toddlers. #chucklemums x
Mine is beaches – I used to hate the beach; salty everything, sand in places you really don’t want it, millions of other people! But now, seeing just how entertained a beach can keep kids, I love it!
#chucklemums
booze- used to be recreational now it is necessity- kind of takes the fun out of it
#chucklemums
Ha!! A bath. Having a bath, on my own, now feels like the absolute height of luxury. Actually doing anything on my own…and being able to watch something decent on telly instead of C fucking Beebies. TM has started ‘kissing’ now and it’s SO CUTE. #chucklemums
I agree with all of these apart from the swimming pool. I hate them them swimming. Nothing will persuade me otherwise. Holiday camps best invention ever 😉
That should have read I hate them swimming pools! Whoops
Halloween! I can’t wait for Peachy to be old enough for trick or treating. Free candy! I was half inclined to go this year but Peachy’s daddy tells me it’s cray to take an infant trick or treating. Unfortunately I can’t do it alone. One person holds the baby, the other presents the pillow case until the candy is dropped in. Yes, I have been planning this for some time. #chucklemums
I am SOOO with you on holiday camps!!! What I enjoy now that I didn’t before kids was the bathroom!!! I never realized the amount of solitude found in the crapper! I also didn’t have hidden stashes of candy in there before kids. (I’m thinking of moving a mini fridge in and stocking beer an wine…I’ll tell them all I’ve got the flu. )
Tea… I swear it tastes twice as good after kids! Although, does it make me a bad Mum if I don’t enjoy sloppy kisses? Don’t get me wrong, it’s adorable but still totally gross. #chucklemums
Ooh how about time with your own parents… because before it was, ummmm, ok. And now it’s amazing because they entertain the grandchildren whooo-hoo! And tea, yes. Has to be hot! X #chucklemums
I’ve just commented on Mouse Me Too’s post about swimming and wrote the word DETEST in big letters so I can agree with that one. I would maybe add Being in a Supermarket Alone – what a treat now! Gosh I spend ages just wandering around aimlessly just because I can! #chucklemums
Playing in the park – a bit weird before children but now a totally acceptable past time. #chucklemums
Totally with you on sloppy child kisses. I’ll take a mouthful of drool with even a hint of sick, because I love them that much. #chucklemums
There are quite a few good ones there, I’m glad you included tea, tea was very different before! #chucklemums
I hear you! I am genuinely excited at the prospect of a holiday camp holiday this year, as my youngest is finally going to be old enough for me to palm her off on other people for a bit whilst I actually relax for the first time in five years.
Win!
xAlice
#chucklemums
Haha I love sloppy kisses! And going to bed before 10pm. LUXURY.
#chucklemums
Haha – all so true! I used to quite like swimming. Always hated public pools, but quite liked it as a form of exercise. Now the public pools (or wet floors there in) try to kill my toddlers and no actual swimming happens – yay! #chucklemums
I’m with you on the designated driver! No hangover for me, thank you!
I also used to get bored being at home too often. I’d always want something to do. These days there is always something to do!
I’m with you on tea and lying! #ablogginggoodtime
Reading became the thing that I enjoyed more after I had kids. I’d always loved a good book, but those fleeting moments of having my brain all to myself were so precious when my kids were all tiny.
I love the lying one, especially Father Christmas I always use this #ablogginggoodtime
Holiday camps, yeah! Except now ours are teenies not the same: they’re too young for discos and that!!! #ablogginggoodtime
What a fabulous list – I sooooo hear you about swimming – if you get to do a few strokes you’re lucky with the kids – and holiday camps too. Who knew I would appreciate the evening entertainment at a caravan park so much!? Fab post xx #ablogginggoodtime
What a fabulous list – I hear you about swimming – if you get to do a few strokes you’re lucky with the kids – and holiday camps too. Who knew I would appreciate the evening entertainment at a caravan park so much!? Fab post xx #ablogginggoodtime
Ha ha sloppy kisses yes, although I was designated driver long before my son was born. Okay, I didn’t lie…. that much
#ABloggingGoodTime
Love all these and most of them wouldn’t have occurred to me as being remotely fun without the Tubblet. It’s weird how you change
I agree with some of these but definitely not the swimming! Before I had kids I belonged to a swimming club, swam 4 nights a week. Swimming to me is a sport and is exercise…I can’t abide standing in a pool being splashed by screaming kids and getting freezing cold! I dread the days when my kids say…can we go swimming?!!! I’ll swap swimming for an extra 20 cups of tea! #ablogginggoodtime
Haha yes to all especially the designated driver, really doesn’t bother me at all! #ABloggingGoodTime
I can’t even remember all the things I didn’t like before having kids. It’s been so long but these are good things. I was always the designated driver when I was young. Kinda had to be. No one else was going to do it lol. #ABloggingGoodTime