Things I have learned in the Easter Holidays (so far)

  1. That I truly, deeply, want a caravan. I never thought I’d be a jolly camper but I am. 
  2. That my son has learnt how to be really mean “You stupid fat ugly person!” being the latest insult, the little *~!#€|*€%¥!!
  3. That I appear to have some sort of lisp. How I have not noticed this in 35 years is beyond me
  4. That 3.5 weeks of holidays might end me. I’ve only done one so far and I already want to find a rock to hide under when I hear “Muu-uum, what can we do nowwww”
  5. That I’m so undignified I can somehow manage to break a nail and slice my finger open with it in one smooth move (smooth move being pulling my trousers on. I mean, really?!)
  6. That Labradors are incessantly flatulent. 
Guffy McGufferson, the farting labrador

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