Bad Cleaning Tips For Busy Parents

A lot of people are getting their knickers in a twist over an instagram sensation at the moment. The ‘grammer in question is the gorgeous Mrs Hinch, who is an avid cleaner and addictive personality. I love her, I think she’s hilarious and who knew cleaning could be funny? With her in mind, I thought maybe I could put together some of my very own cleaning tips for busy parents!

Hoovering

Don’t bother. If you have a crawling baby (or any child up to the age of around three in fact) then the second you spot something that needs hoovering up will be the exact same second your baby eats it. They have an eye for crud on the carpet – indeed, they are usually the cause of it. At least this way they are cleaning up after themselves. The only time you should hoover as a parent is when in desperation you hope it might count as ‘white noise’ in making baby nap.

Smears on walls

Children are unable to walk around a house without trailing their sticky little hands everywhere, usually leaving greasy smears all over your beautifully painted walls. My cleaning advice is not to bother with all those chalk and sponge youtube tutorials. Either get someone to paint it in nasty washable gloss or just pass it off as hyper cool art nouveau. No one will believe you but it might make you feel better.

Dirty clothes

The cycle of wash-wear-wash-wear is endless. There’s no point in buying or wearing nice clothes in the early years of parenthood. Everything is always filthy. You will rock up to a meeting at work with a slug trail of toddler snot down one arm. You’ll have an unwelcome foray into the game ‘is that chocolate or poo on my knee?’ Children are attracted to light colours like moths to a flame. Don’t wear them – darks are easier to wash.

Special Circumstance Clean-ups

One of the perils of parenting is cleaning up after certain incidents. No, I’m not talking about the puddle dodging disaster that is potty training your incontinent toddler, it’s worse than that.

Glitter.

You’ll think it’s a great idea to do some crafting with your beloved small people. Don’t give them the glitter. However well you steady their little hands they will somehow endeavour to have a full upper body spasm which will result in the bastard stuff going EVERYWHERE. And I have no tips on how to clean it up. It may go up the hoover in one spot, but it will all fall out again in a different one. You can try and wipe it up, but it will just somehow multiply itself exponentially all over everywhere. It’s a force of nature. You’ll be finding it in your ears when you’re 57. Avoid it in the first place my friends.

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