Calamity Jane and Other Stories

Are you accident prone? I am something of a Calamity Jane, and so it would seem, is my little sister! Jos has very graciously decided to let me share her story of woe (hilarious, but painful woe)

We were round there for a BBQ the other weekend and it was lovely. Cocktails, sausages, steak and Jenga. Is there much better? Anyway, the next day Jos sent me a picture of her hands, which looked a little bit blistered. She thought they might have gotten sunburnt. This got progressively worse – a friend diagnosed urticaria, and allergy to cleaning wipes. Only it wasn’t. It’s Margarita Burn!! Also known as phytophotodermatitis – a severe burn caused by squeezing limes and then sitting in the sun! Poor Jos.

This got me thinking to all the stupid ways I have damaged myself. Most of them do involve that wonderful aid liquor. There was the time I got locked out the cabin we were sleeping in (due to everyone else being unconscious inside) and I decided piling logs end to end would be an excellent ladder. Giant bruise on my leg would say otherwise. Or the time I knocked my tooth out. Or the time I faceplanted into the pavement getting out of a taxi.

I asked some fellow bloggers if they had any similarly calamity moments and they did not disappoint me!

H from Hi Baby Blog “I jumped off a bunkbed and tried to land on a single bed but I overestimated the distance and ended up on the other side of the room badly injuring my bum on am the corner of the skirting board”

R from Coffee, Cake, KidsA few years ago (like 15 years ago) I was just a little bit (a lot) drunk. We were at my friends messing about and play fighting with my then boyfriend’s mate. I attempted to do a high kick – which I could actually do back them – but slipped. Ended up with a prolapsed disc in my spine! Of course, at the time it didn’t hurt because of the copious amounts of cheap lager and lambrini in my system, but it bloody hurt for the next two months!”

K from Katy KickerI broke my wrist washing my hair once – not sure if that counts? 😀 I only slipped about 4 inches and smashed my wrist in two places!

C from Mumsy MidwifeI fell over leaving the GP surgery and broke my elbow, when I went back in they wouldn’t see me because I hadn’t got an appointment (I’d just seen the doctor)

C from Rock n’Roll PussycatI gave myself a nasty cut on the side of my face while staying at a hotel at Heathrow airport the night before a flight to Russia. I was bored so decided I’d see if I could fit inside a storage unit underneath the TV

L from With Love From LouI once slipped on the stairs while carrying a basket full of washing down. The clothes flew out and went everywhere and I managed to hit every step before landing in the basket at the bottom! I cracked my forehead on the cupboard as I landed and I was so dazed I was just sat there for ages! I’m still super cautious when I bring washing down now and that happened years ago!

S from Man vs PinkWhen I was about 5, I thought my mini-golf putter looked like a snorkel. I also thought it looked like a vaulting pole. So I combined the two, and attempted to pole vault with it in my mouth. Ripped a big flap of skin open on the top of my pallet. I imagine I cried a lot too

E from Island Living 365After a night out and feeling a bit tipsy-woo I had come home. Being the considerate housemate that I was 😉, I had crept into the living room in the dark. Only they had decided that it would be hilarious to rearrange the furniture. So I ended up falling over the sofa, and flying through the air. I ended up with a carpet burn just above my lip. It resembled a moustache of a certain dictator. I had just started dating Mr C too. The next day I had to give a work presentation. I was mortified. The best bit was that when I laughed the scab cracked and bled. Attractive. Not.

E from Mummy and MonkeysI’ve got a scar on my knee from when I was doing a somersault on the trampoline and my own tooth went into my knee! J recently broke his nose when he was trying to take a short cut to get a coffee from the football pitch. He jumped over a fence only to catch his leg on the way down and face planted the pavement!

N from Tattooed MummyI fell down a rabbit hole while walking the dog and broke my foot, does that count? (I’m not called Alice)

E from Emily and IndianaWhen I was younger I broke my leg going down a slide – I was with my siblings and we were going down in a ‘train’ (you know one behind each other). I must have turned funny and it broke. Looking back its still funny

L from The Parenting GameI went into the garden, to fetch my husband’s favourite pants, tripped over the back door, fell into my house and broke my elbow, wrist and two ribs! He now gets his own pants off the line!”

H from Fab Fat MamaI tore my cruciate ligament in my knee dancing to move like michael jackson on the xbox kinect..

B from Pinks CharmingI opened my own car door into my nose. I gave my self two massive cuts, one on my nose and one on my cheek, and also two black eyes. A week before Christmas. I looked like I’d been boxing. I still have a scar on my nose nearly two years on

J from Seaside BelleWhen I was on honeymoon we tried to take a shortcut to the marina. I was so busy admiring the view that I didn’t notice the manhole with no cover on it. I fell straight down and impaled my foot on a stopcock with no tap on it (aka a rusty pipe). Spent the rest of the honeymoon on crutches and came home in a wheelchair

K from Confessions of a New Mummy I was doing up a chair I’d brought cheap and one night, just before bed I decided to try and tackle the staples underneath but wedging a pair of scissors underneath them and pushing. Even now I think why the hell did I do it…. straight into my hand, narrowly missing the tendons and important stuff. Blood spurting out everywhere, I’ve never felt so sick (or stupid). That required a late night trip to the hospital and several stitches and I have a large scar on my hand now to remind me not to be so stupid

N from NELC3When I was about 7 and my brother was about 9 we decided to have a race. We had an alleyway next door to our house so decided to use that as our ‘track’. The difference was I was barefoot running and my brother was on his bike.

We both thought we could beat each other.

He gave me a very slight head start. I steamed off (I was quite a fast runner back then). I got three-quarters to the end and could hear my brother passing me on his bike. He just beat me to the end, but as he was going so fast and was desperate to beat me, he didn’t brake in time and carried on into the road and got hit by a car! He’s fine, he didn’t get badly injured, but did get checked over by paramedics. I had to run back home and tell my parents what had hapened and was trailing blood from my feet as I had run through glass whilst trying to beat my brother!
Parents gave us both a good telling off! Poor driver too, but my brother had to apologise to them too”

L from Leonie AmberI had a collie dog run into my leg at 8 years old which torn my ligament my friend then ran away with her dog and hid thinking a dog catcher would come take her dog away and left me on the floor crying

There were more too that I don’t have time right now to write up, but I’ll leave you with my very favourite:

I dislocated my shoulder trying to do a yoga position in bed!” from C of Claire’s Little Tots

Do you have any similarly hilarious accidents? Please let me know and maybe I’ll do a round 2!

Life Love and Dirty Dishes

48 thoughts on “Calamity Jane and Other Stories

  1. I tittered like an idea reading these. Brilliant!

    When I was 10, I ended up falling on a wooden deer thing (can’t remember what it was exactly!) and broke off its antlers. Super embarrassing because the whole class saw it. I wished the ground would swallow me up there and then.

  2. When I was about 14 I raced my brother for the last chair at the pool, slipped on the step and broke my toe. He wasn’t even in the race, didn’t want to sit in the chair, and still mocks me for being an idiot. We were on holiday on the boat, spent the rest of the week on crutches,

    As an adult, I had a few weeks when every time I took the dog for a walk I’d come back covered in blood, first time I decided to run in flip flops, dog thought this was awesome bounced in front of me and knocked me over as we were going along the main road in rush hour. Second time, baby in the carrier on the back, dog ran into me and knocked me clean off my feet, landed on my face, knocked me out and two of my teeth. Was awful waiting for them to be fixed!

    And more recently, currently recovering from an ill advised handstand attempt, trying to show the kids how to do it (or how not to do it as it turned out). Pinched nerve and back spasms! Ow!

  3. This is so funny!
    We were on holiday at Butlins two years ago and having a lovely time in the pool. They put the wave machine on , we were waist deep in the water. My daughter bobbed up when a big wave came past and her head hit me right under my chin causing me to bite my tongue hard. I had a massive cut on each side of my tongue. Luckily it didn’t need stitches, but eating for the next week or so was very uncomfortable.

  4. These are brilliant. Mine would be the time I picked my best friend up from the airport. During our reunion hug my arms got a bit tangled and I somehow managed to gauge a massive chuck out of my own forehead with my own engagement ring! There was also the time I was stung by a wasp and my hand swelled to Micky mouse proportions. I ended up having to go to A&E where they instructed me to wear my arm in a sling to keep it elevated and drain the infection. The same night I went to a comedy club and was singled out by the comedian who wanted to know why my arm was in a sling. Needless to say he ripped into me all night when he found out it was a wasp sting! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

  5. There was the time I was having a harmless pint of creme de menthe in a Putney pub garden with friends when I was bitten/stung/violated by a horse fly. It made my ankle swell up so much, that the skin was stretched to agonising proportions but I did get 2 days off work. Little bit wary of horse flies now……. #fridayfrolics

  6. Running through the house playing chase with my cousin aged 8 I ran through what I thought were our open patio doors. They weren’t, as demonstrated by the 40 stitches I now have! Not recommended!! #FridayFrolics

  7. Some great ones here ha! I’m always tripping over wires at the front of my classroom – I’m so clumsy! But I think my best (or worst) was on a staff night out when I got carried away at Karaoke dancing on a chair, and it gave way leaving me sprawled on the floor mid song. #FridayFrolics

  8. These are brilliant! I cracked a rib trying to hold in a sneeze does that count? Oscar was only 4 months old and my mum had to come and stay as I wasn’t allowed to lift anything! Hurt for 6 months! I always sneeze loudly now!

  9. This is super cute! I don’t have any stories even close to these ladies. My husband hit me in the face with a golf club my first attempt at anything in the golf world. We were at a driving range, still fairly newly dating. I was trying to see what he was doing and how a swing works. I stepped in to his follow through while trying to look and understand what he was doing. I was briefly knocked out, and he rushed me to the hospital. I got a few stitches right above my eye and my glasses were broken. Fun day! 😉
    ~Jess
    #EatSleepBlogRT

  10. Love these! I have a chipped tooth because I decided to jump of a swing when I was a kid and rammed my knee into my jaw. I also stepped on two rusty nails in one day – one in each foot. Luckily I was up to date with my tetanus jabs. #EatSleepBlogRT

  11. & I thought I was bad! I’ve now decided I’m not until I have fallen down a rabbit hole a la Alice! & who knew Margarita burn was a thing??

    Thanks so much for joining #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time

  12. This is brilliant! Makes me feel so much better about my own stupid accidents. But who knew lime juice would cause you to burn in the sun?? I have a great story about a drunken escalator run, let me know if you decide to write a second bunch! #EatSleepBlogRT

  13. These are brilliant! I am ridiculously clumsy and stupid. The stupidest was throwing a cocktail sausage pack on the floor of the carpark as me and the Mr were about to go on holiday and doing a silly dance “Whatcha gonna do?” I sang as my foot went into the ketchup and up my leg. Amidst giggles I picked up yhr packet feeling rather foolish! #chucklemums

  14. These are brilliant! I have the unfortunate combination of having a condition that means my joints dislocate easily, and being utterly and completely, stupidly clumsy. I dislocated my shoulder last week because the car had to brake. That was embarrassing. Stupidest injury would be showing everyone how I could touch the back of my head with my foot. Let go of my foot from next to my head, it smacked down and hit the solid oak arm of a rocking chair at very very high speed with the biggest crack you’ve ever heard! That was a very embarrassing trip to A&E! #chucklemums

  15. Oh now you see, this post has made me feel a whole lot better about myself, so thank you! There was me thinking that I was the only twat, but it seems there are many, many of us twats about. Jumping off a 6 foot wall onto concrete in sandals, wasn’t my finest hour. 3 weeks on and I’m still suffering a broken foot, finger and ego. Alison x #chucklemums

  16. Ha this made me giggle. My brother in law and I once attempted the Dirty Dancing lift after a glass or two of wine. Resulted in cracked ribs and a squished brother in law… I think I learnt my lesson! #chucklemums

  17. Oooo, I’m cringing, some of these sound so painful! Who knew you could do so much damage doing such simple things like taking the washing in or washing your hair. Sounds like I need to stop washing, it’s too dangerous! #chucklemums

  18. Ow!! I never knew you could burn your hands with lime and sunshine!! Loving the rest of the stories. I’ve never broken a bone in my body except for on my hen weekend. I was a bit drunk and having a boogie on the dance floor when I tripped and fell landing straight on my wrist. It didn’t hurt too much then but the last day of my hen do was agony. It was put into plaster the next day and I was inconsolable thinking I’d be walking down the aisle with my wrist in plaster. Thank God for the lovely doctor who decided I could manage and took it off a few days before the wedding. #Chucklemums

  19. At age 14 on holiday in Gibralter we went up the famous rock to see the monkeys. Being legendarily clumsy I fell over a relatively small rock (at the top of the big rock) and broke my ankle. With no vehicle access my Dad had to firemans lift me all the way down. Followed part of the way by a pack of monkeys, through tourists (with cameras) and my trousers slipping repeatedly into builders position. Mortified doesn’t even cover it! #chucklemums Xx

  20. Hahaha and I thought I was clumsy! I am constantly bruising myself, to the effect that I don’t even notice when the bruises occur now, and so can never explain them, which baffles my husband. I have about 6 on my legs and one on my hip. Generally I just seem to misjudge where to walk, even in my own house. It’s either that or I am being regularly abducted and experimented on by aliens each night. #chucklemums xx

  21. Hahaha…these stories are so funny! I am a bit of a Calamity Jane myself and so I can empathise too. But still I had to laugh the most at your sister’s Margarita Burn. Never heard of it but now very intrigued to find out how many margaritas you need to pour/have before you get the burn? #chucklemums

  22. Ouch but how funny – margarita burn is just awesome! Love all the other examples of accidental damage as well – when Mother first met Father, fifteen years ago, she fell into a bush (p**sed). No wonder it took him another nine years to give her another try and get together properly 😉 x #chucklemums

  23. A friend once got me into a swanky Regent Street nightclub. Suitably sizzled from champagne, I decided to dance on the table. Then promptly fell down the gap between table and bench and did my knee in. Go me. #chucklemums

  24. Hmmm where do I start? I’ve broken my nose five times, cracked two ribs walking down the stairs in a strop, trapped my finger in a car door and didn’t realise until I tried to walk away, nearly drowned off the coast of Cornwall… the lsit goes on! #chucklemums

  25. Love these. Glad to hear I am not the only clutz in the world. I am always injuring myself accidentally. One of the worst was when I fell over dancing the twist at a wedding and tore a ligament in my knee. I didn’t realise the extent of my injury until I was lying back in my Travelodge bed being kept awake by the pain. It had doubled in size by the morning and we skipped brunch to visit A&E. I had to wear a robo-boot for six weeks. #Chucklemums

  26. Gotta love an accident story! I have too many to mention – probably the most ridiculous was at uni. I was getting ready to go out – showered and hair straightened but still in dressing gown. Warming up some Big Soup on the hob (clearly not a substantial pre-boozing meal) and my dressing gown sleeve caught fire. In my panic, I yanked my arm back and the flames caught onto the collar! I managed to wrestle the robe off and stamp it out but, considering the amount of product in my hair, I was bloody lucky not to have fully combusted!

  27. So happy not to be the only one of that kind! LOL I can’t even pick up one of your guests ‘ examples as they are pretty funny. You made me feel so good tonight. Not the only one to be a bit of an idiot sometimes #chucklemums

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