Forgive me, Social Media, for I have sinned.
I have committed the sin of using chocolate as both bribe and distraction whenever I need to do something, or get some peace and quiet.
I have committed the sin of letting my child stay up late watching a movie, because I could not face the hassle of getting him to bed at a reasonable hour.
I have committed the sin of comparing my child to children portrayed on other parenting blogs and feeling hard done by, and possibly of wishing zits upon the noses of their mothers.
I have committed the sin of referring to my child as a little shitbag out of earshot when he has been winding me up all day.
I have committed the sin of threatening my child with “God is watching you!”, even though I am a borderline athiest.
I have committed the sin of shutting myself in the toilet and playing Panda Pop just to get five minutes to myself.
I have committed the sin of wishing I was like other mothers who think the sun shines out of their offspring’s bottoms, when the only things that comes out of my child’s rear end are the most despicably smelly popoffs.
In the name of the Facebook, the Twitter, and the Holy Instagram, Post.
Hahaha you’re practically angelic.
I don’t know anyone that has never referred to their cherub as a shitbag. As long as you’re not screaming it in their face I think you’re ok.
BTW let me know who the perfect bloggers are so I can avoid those 😉
Haha love it. I’m definitely not in the perfect camp! #triballove
This made me laugh so much. I’m sure others have done things that are “naughty” too when it comes to being a mum.
Haaa! All sounds very normal to me – well done for being out of earshot I say! I may be guilty of muttering it as I leave a room and possibly not definitely entirely out of earshot. Oops. Oooo I do hope I’m one of the perfect bloggers you are referring to, I fear it is dismally unlikely but wouldn’t that be great! Disaster zone but giving off an aura of joy and peace and codswallop #triballove
Haha I do so very much enjoy reading your musings!
Who is perfect? I have committed the sin of allowing my child to eat nothing but banana, chocolate and peas for three days straight as its the only thing she hadnt thrown straight onto the floor…so definitely not perfect over here! Haha!
Lu xx
#TribalLove
Definitely done the bedtime thing. Never understood those people who said bedtime is their favourite time to spend with the kids reading stories and cuddles . Always been an unutterable nightmare for me !
Hahaha I KNOW!
Hahaha, I have written a post about picture perfect Instagram mothers for this week. This was not prompted by the fact that this week it has looked like I had the channel islands growing on my chin. The biggest one was nicknamed Barry by my husbad whilst my children just kept shouting “urgh what is up with your chin mummy! What is that growing on your chin mummy! Why are they so big mummy!” Yep, I feel your pain and I am stood right next to you! 😉
Yup, this sounds familiar. I use corn snacks instead of chocolate to bribe/distract the Popple, but it’s the same idea, really. And I shut myself in the toilet several times a day to check Twitter for 5 minutes. Ah, bliss. #triballove
Haha just brilliant! I have on many occasion, called my darling sibling/ nieces/nephews little shitbags Thanks for yet another funny post! 🙂 xxx #TribalLove
Haha! Loved this Zilla. Especially the children portrayed on other blogs (I’m assuming not mine!) and threatening a child with God. Gave a a giggle on my way to work this morning. #tribe
Lol. I’m a sinner too for all the above reasons so we will certainly be sharing a little rotten garden in hell 🙂 #triballove
Oh my goodness I love it. Hey most of us have committed these “sins”. I think it’s just part of parenthood. I’m terrible at using iPad time to get some things done or stop a tantrum in its tracks. Thanks for making me smile#TribalLove
Apologies that I have made you feel like this “I have committed the sin of comparing my child to children portrayed on other parenting blogs and feeling hard done by” – I’m waiting for the zit! I jest! very entertaining and I have so done the toilet. door shut. candy crush downloaded and chill – how bad is my parenting?! #triballove x
Hahah, amazing. No yours are grown up nearly I’m jealous of same age group only
Hell ya I be joining you sinner. Except for panda pop as I would be too addictive and don’t believe in God! X
Haha, yep…I realised the other day that I am getting into a regular habit of using bribes in order to get stuff done…go for a wee wee for a jellybaby…put your shoes on for a chocolate button…brush your teeth for an icecream…oh wait, you can’t brush your teeth after ice-cream, dammit…
I also didn’t swear until I had children.
The other day i said to my daughter “are you going to put your coat on?” *mutter* “or just piss around?” the answer: “pish around mummy!” Oh dear.
#chucklemums
This is great and I love the photo!! There are some mums you do just want to punch for being so bloody perfect!! #chucklemums
lol – at least you wait till they are out of earshot before you call them names! told the teen she was being an arsehole the other day and she looked at me like I had just taken her iphone6+ and chucked it down the toilet i.e.: end of the world look! we’re all sinners chick! #chucklemums
Haha! I can still remember the first time I heard my Mum swear my ears nearly fell off. Thanks for commenting xx
Just popping back again from #chucklemums and also to ask what is Panda Pop?
What a TERRIBLE mother! This is shocking.
Just kidding, obvs! These all sound like a standard day in the life of being mum to me – and I reckon I could add a few more sins too.. Loved this #chucklemums
Haha, we should make a list 🙂 Thanks for commenting xx
Cracking up at this – love your writing Sarah! I guarantee we’ve all done at least half of these – chocolate as a bride= winning ha ha xx #chucklemums
Thanks Fi 😀
Haha, love this! And I am absolutely with you on all of them. I like to call them necessities for survival, rather than sins! Xx
#chucklemums
That’s probably a better word than sins! 😀 Thanks for commenting xx
Oh never fear…I have said sh*t head in earshot…numerous times. Not my finest moments, but I will pray to the Facebook, the Twitter and the Holy Instagram for forgiveness. #chucklemums
I’m sure they will hear you and not judge. Thanks for commenting xx
Ha ha ha, oh my goodness, I think you’re not alone in your guilt! Love the fact you lock yourself in the loo. My parents are guilty of putting me in front of the shelves and letting me pull the DVDs off one by one just to keep me occupied. A mother’s got to do what a mother’s got to do 😉 x #chucklemums
Hahah! Wait til she teaches you to put them back, you’ll be endlessly entertained! 😀
If there’s a parent who hasn’t occasionally referred to their child as a right little whatmit or hidden in the loo or the bathroom because they’re the only places with locks, then I’m not sure I want to meet them! You’re normal 🙂
Thank you! I need to stop looking at those blogs!! 😀
We could definitely be friends! While I don’t practice any religion, and God willing, hope never to again in the future – my children will arrive at school only having known Jesus, God and Holy as operative words in swearing. And when it comes to chocolate – I use that to fuel myself incrementally throughout the day 😉
Me neither. My only religion is a large gin and tonic at the end of the day!!
I’ve never heard the term ‘popoffs’ before!! We use ‘parp’ in our house… #chucklemum
I’m not entirely sure where it came from to be honest…Thanks for commenting xx
Forgive me. For I have also committed all these sins (though not Panda Pop – never heard of it – off to search in the App Store – totally blaming you if I become addicted). I hope that we all do these things – it’ll make me feel soooo much better about my inadequate parenting #chucklemums
Don’t do it! Panda Pop has claimed enough of us already!! 😀 Thanks for commenting xx
yes to all of the above! I love to hide in the toilet for peace #chucklemums x
Who knew that a toilet could also be a sanctuary?? Thanks for commenting xx
Very funny. With you all the way! Loving Popoff, it sounds so nice and not at all what it actually is. I have been known to lock myself in the loo and pick my split ends for as long as possible (for relaxation purposes), at least you were getting to the next level on Panda Pop! (also not down enough with the kids to know what that is!!) #chucklemums
You don’t want to know – you’ll never have any time again! Thanks for commenting xx
Zits on the noses! Love it. I often sit on the loo seat and ponder my existence (check Facebook). Love this. #chucklemums
The loo is where great thinking is done! Thanks for commenting xx
Haha – I’m pretty sure these perfect parents are crying into a half-eaten cheesecake somewhere. The Child has been known to try and bribe me with chocolate so it shows how often I use that trick! #chucklemums
Hahaha! Or a very large gin and tonic!
OH you are obviously a horrendous mother. And I have NEVER used the word ‘shitbag’ or locked myself in the bathroom for 5 minutes (lie. lie. lie). I would also love to know who the perfect parents are. I’m sure they’re all having quiet breakdowns somewhere. #chucklemums
They’d better be!!! 🙂 xx
My 2yo has recently taken to walking around muttering “fucksake” to himself…so no perfect parenting coming from this direction (as you would probably already guess!)
#chucklemums
Yep, that’s been heard in our house too! :/
I don’t think anyone is that perfect!! No sins allowed! Lol #chucklemums
It would be a bit boring wouldn’t it? Thanks for commenting xx
Sins…aka functioning completely normally in order to get through the day! Love the photo btw 🙂 Alison#chucklemums
I am so mean 😀 Thanks for commenting xx
Hahaha! Saying what all the other mums are thinking!
#Chucklemums (I did’t actually submit though)
That’s fine – you were a champion last week!
If that is the case, I think we have all sinned. I have a constant stock of kinder eggs for eating dinner and pooing in the toilet bribes.
Great post
L X
http://workingmumy.blogspot.com
Haha this is he real side of Instagram that no one wants anyone to see. No one posts the crappy days, the tantrums, the messy house. You’ll never see any photos of me (looking old), my house (turned into a kid zone) or my ‘outfit of the day’ (covered in spit up). I often look at those picture perfect images with envy and then realise for every beautiful shot that was taken, there’s a kid just waiting impatiently for someone to put the camera down and play with them. Sometimes I do LOL
Oh dear I’ve sinned loads then too!