The Mum With The Wine

This is the Mumzilla version of the classic “Cat in The Hat”

There once was a time, when a Mum needed wine

A cold glass of wine said the Mum at the time

Boy! Go to bed, let’s pick up these toys

Don’t mess around, I know all of your ploys

You aren’t thirsty, and no, you don’t need a poo

We’re going to bed, yes that’s what we’ll do

For Mummy needs wine, she feels that it’s time

To recline on the sofa, with that bottle of wine

That nice and cold in the fridge bottle of wine

That wine that is fine, that is fine, and is mine

So let’s up the stairs, brush your teeth, into bed!

And get thoughts of procrastination out of your head

There will be no jumping about, or an extra three books

This Mum does not care for your disgusted looks

This Mum needs some wine, yes it’s time yes it’s time

Time for this tired Mum to have wine

So settle yourself, in your warm cosy bed

And ignore all those thoughts swirling round in your head

It’s time to sleep now, little man, I won’t fall for your stay-up-late-plan

I’ve had enough of your yelling, and farting, and doing what you can,

To stay out of bed and deprive Mummy of wine (the wine in the fridge, the wine that is fine)

At last, oh at last, could that be a snore?

It is! Oh it is! I shall creep out the door!

I shall dance down the stairs and prance round the room

And narrowly avoid tripping over the broom

For it’s time! Yes it’s time! For this Mum to have wine

Oh the joy that I feel, now my wine is poured, cool and fine

Oh it’s time, the best time, for my large glass of wine.

So join me, tired Mummies, in raising our glasses,

To our tiny – yet lovely –Β  pains in the asses.

wine

 

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70 thoughts on “The Mum With The Wine

  1. Haha Zilla that’s hilarious! I always love a good spoof and basically anyone clever enough to come up with rhymes!

    Lucy xx

    #TribalLove

  2. Love it – can see women the world over printing this up and popping on their fridge with a magnet – which I would do too if I had magnets for my fridge that is! #triballove xx

  3. That can only come from an obscene level of exposure to Dr Suess rhyming schemes!

    I like this, it’s like a classier Go The F_ To Sleep. Get an illustrator and you’ve got gold!

    #effitfriday

  4. Love this, Sarah. What is it with kids being masters of procrastination? Where the hell did they learn that (admittedly valuable) life skill from? Oh, hang on, that would be me … #fridayfrolics

  5. I absolutely love this!!!! I love a good poem and I love wine (glass of red at hand at mo) so this is brill. (Husband is getting baby to bed tonight hence me being able to crack on with the wine πŸ˜‰ ) x #KCACOLS

  6. Ha I love it! We’ve had the discussion yet again with my boys this week that if something wasn’t hurting for the XX amount of hours before they went to bed, then the chances of it suddenly hurting every night at two minutes after bedtime and then miraculously recovering every morning were pretty slim….

    Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix

    Stevie x

  7. Totally brilliant! You’ve nailed every ‘trying to get out of going to bed’ tactic as well as the important bits about wine! Loving a bit of reworked Dr Seussness! My fave bit was:- ‘There will be no jumping and three extra books. This Mum does not care for your disgusted looks!
    Thanks for hosting #chucklemums

  8. I was drawn to this by the title for some reason…
    I read it the other day and loved it and shared it! V clever and so relatable.. the kids seem to sense when you need them to go to bed so you can have wine, you can guarantee as the first glass reaches my lips one of mine will call out ‘muuuuuummmmyyyy’ or appear in the living room doorway. Brilliant #chucklemums

  9. Brilliant & hilarious! I did a Cat in the Hat parody ages ago & realised that the structure of Dr Seuss is deceptively hard to emulate – which is to say I’m impressed! Yours is much better than mine! #picknmix

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