This is the Mumzilla version of the classic “Cat in The Hat”
There once was a time, when a Mum needed wine
A cold glass of wine said the Mum at the time
Boy! Go to bed, let’s pick up these toys
Don’t mess around, I know all of your ploys
You aren’t thirsty, and no, you don’t need a poo
We’re going to bed, yes that’s what we’ll do
For Mummy needs wine, she feels that it’s time
To recline on the sofa, with that bottle of wine
That nice and cold in the fridge bottle of wine
That wine that is fine, that is fine, and is mine
So let’s up the stairs, brush your teeth, into bed!
And get thoughts of procrastination out of your head
There will be no jumping about, or an extra three books
This Mum does not care for your disgusted looks
This Mum needs some wine, yes it’s time yes it’s time
Time for this tired Mum to have wine
So settle yourself, in your warm cosy bed
And ignore all those thoughts swirling round in your head
It’s time to sleep now, little man, I won’t fall for your stay-up-late-plan
I’ve had enough of your yelling, and farting, and doing what you can,
To stay out of bed and deprive Mummy of wine (the wine in the fridge, the wine that is fine)
At last, oh at last, could that be a snore?
It is! Oh it is! I shall creep out the door!
I shall dance down the stairs and prance round the room
And narrowly avoid tripping over the broom
For it’s time! Yes it’s time! For this Mum to have wine
Oh the joy that I feel, now my wine is poured, cool and fine
Oh it’s time, the best time, for my large glass of wine.
So join me, tired Mummies, in raising our glasses,
To our tiny – yet lovely – pains in the asses.
This is fantastic and hilarious! I enjoy Dr Seuss’ works. #TribalLove
Love this! You’re a wonderful poet. And obviously, the subject matter is dear to my heart!
#effitfriday (although obviously I was going to be here anyway and no doubt I’ll be back!)
Thanks Fran 😀
And for #KCACOLS.
And probably #Chucklemums too…
Haha I read it again each time!
lol- very apt! nothing shall come between a mum and her wine! love it! #effitfriday
It’s so very necessary after a long day!
Haha Zilla that’s hilarious! I always love a good spoof and basically anyone clever enough to come up with rhymes!
Lucy xx
#TribalLove
Thanks Lu! 😀
I used to read Cat in the Hat with my boy but think this works even better 🙂 Jo
Love it – can see women the world over printing this up and popping on their fridge with a magnet – which I would do too if I had magnets for my fridge that is! #triballove xx
Haha! I’ll get a poster made!
A poem on my favourite subject and past time – love it! #effitfriday
I bloody love this!
Brilliant. Made me laugh so much I nearly woke my sleeping daughter!!! x #picknmix
Brilliant. I shall be thinking of this at bedtime tonight! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics
Haha I love this – you’re a great poet! And how truthful this poem is…now where’s my wine? #triballove
That can only come from an obscene level of exposure to Dr Suess rhyming schemes!
I like this, it’s like a classier Go The F_ To Sleep. Get an illustrator and you’ve got gold!
#effitfriday
Love this, Sarah. What is it with kids being masters of procrastination? Where the hell did they learn that (admittedly valuable) life skill from? Oh, hang on, that would be me … #fridayfrolics
Haha, I am a master of procrastination, I don’t know why it annoys me so much in others! 🙂
Ahahah! LOVE this! 🙂 I’m feeling the need for wine already and it’s not even midday. #triballove
Oh this is so great and perfect! Love Love Love it! This was me last night especially trying to say no to the three extra books. #TribalLove
Love this, you clever and very funny lady! 🙂
YOu’re amazing!!! Will you ever stop being so good lol? I love the idea of the poem, especially when it’s about wine. But where is the fromage? #KCACOLS
There is usually plenty of fromage but wine is far easier to rhyme! 😀
Heh heh – Dr Seuss would be proud!
Thank you I like to think so! 😀
YES. There are days when you need ALL THE WINE. #KCACOLS
At least 5/7 for the first decade I’m sure….!
Brilliant & has made me now think longingly of wine. #kcacols lifeinthemumslane
I always think longingly of wine. I try not to keep it in the house or it just gets guzzled! 🙂 x
I absolutely love this!!!! I love a good poem and I love wine (glass of red at hand at mo) so this is brill. (Husband is getting baby to bed tonight hence me being able to crack on with the wine 😉 ) x #KCACOLS
Excellent work! 🙂
Ha I love it! We’ve had the discussion yet again with my boys this week that if something wasn’t hurting for the XX amount of hours before they went to bed, then the chances of it suddenly hurting every night at two minutes after bedtime and then miraculously recovering every morning were pretty slim….
Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix
Stevie x
OMG, this is absolutely brilliant, it really made me giggle.
#KCACOLS
Dr Seuss would be proud! The prancing down the stairs and tripping over the broom is my favourite part. #Chucklemums
Dr Seuss has nothing on you! I sooo relate to this – some days I am so desperate for bedtime so I can pour that glass! Thanks for hosting #chucklemums
Still loving this, you fab poet, you! #chucklemums
Haha! Dr Seus has nothing on you! You’re version is genius!!! #chucklemums
Haha fantastic! Well done! I love it #chucklemums
Best yet!! I hear ya, sista!!! Clink!!! #chucklemums
Very clever…and funny! Once you have decided that it’s wine o’clock, NOTHING can get in the way and you summed this up perfectly in your wicked take on Dr Seuss. Alison x #chucklemums
Hahaha Zilla this is amazing- I totally love it! We all need wine and LOTS of it! xx #chucklemums
Just brilliant – very clever!! #chucklemums
Totally brilliant! You’ve nailed every ‘trying to get out of going to bed’ tactic as well as the important bits about wine! Loving a bit of reworked Dr Seussness! My fave bit was:- ‘There will be no jumping and three extra books. This Mum does not care for your disgusted looks!
Thanks for hosting #chucklemums
serious competition here for dr suess! Brilliant!
This is amazing…I want a whole series please..im not joking. I love it! Thanks for sharing #Chucklemums
Absolutely brilliant. Love the flow of the words and the sentiment behind it. x #chucklemums
Brilliant! Ha ha #chucklemums brought me here 🙂
I think we should release a mum’s poetry book. I’m going to recite this tomorrow night when trying to get my little cherub to bed! #chucklemums
I can certainly identify with this! I feel like I spend every Friday night trying to keep the wine out of Piglet’s dangerous grasp! #chucklemums
This is actually amazing! I love it. You’re my new fave poet #chucklemums
I shall have to write some more then!
I was drawn to this by the title for some reason…
I read it the other day and loved it and shared it! V clever and so relatable.. the kids seem to sense when you need them to go to bed so you can have wine, you can guarantee as the first glass reaches my lips one of mine will call out ‘muuuuuummmmyyyy’ or appear in the living room doorway. Brilliant #chucklemums
Haha, Mums and Wine just go hand in hand!
haha brilliant! so clever and well put together 🙂 I was also drawn in by the title hehe 🙂 #KCACOLS
Back again for #chucklemums and this is still hilarious! You are quite the poet. And your making me want wine at 10 am.
Brilliant & hilarious! I did a Cat in the Hat parody ages ago & realised that the structure of Dr Seuss is deceptively hard to emulate – which is to say I’m impressed! Yours is much better than mine! #picknmix
So cute!! Makes me want to read this poem as a good night story for my son tonight!! ☺️ Very creative ! #KCACOLS
LOVE this!! So clever and so true! You are a fabulous poet!! 🙂 x #KCACOLS
Great job! Very brilliant! I even read it aloud to a friend. 🙂 #KCACOLS
Well this is only fitting that I am drinking a cool, chilled, sauvignon while I read this!! I love this – it is pure comedy genius!
This is absolutely brilliant! Love it. So clever, and hilarious. This is me, all the time 🙂 #prose4t
Utterly, utterly brilliantly done! I love it 🙂 Clever and very funny. Well done and thank you for linking to Prose for Thought x
Happy to. Thank you 🙂 x
ha ha back from #fortheloveofBLOG great to read again xx
Still loving this! Going to pin it to my fridge! #fortheloveofblog
Ha Ha Ha – so cleverly done – well done! I have to say the big picture of the glass of wine caught my eye on the #fortheloveofBLOG linky page. x
This is cool! You have talent there!
Thank you!
Ha! This really made me smile! Wine and poetry? A fab combination! #proseforthought