This is the Mumzilla version of the classic “Cat in The Hat”
There once was a time, when a Mum needed wine
A cold glass of wine said the Mum at the time
Boy! Go to bed, let’s pick up these toys
Don’t mess around, I know all of your ploys
You aren’t thirsty, and no, you don’t need a poo
We’re going to bed, yes that’s what we’ll do
For Mummy needs wine, she feels that it’s time
To recline on the sofa, with that bottle of wine
That nice and cold in the fridge bottle of wine
That wine that is fine, that is fine, and is mine
So let’s up the stairs, brush your teeth, into bed!
And get thoughts of procrastination out of your head
There will be no jumping about, or an extra three books
This Mum does not care for your disgusted looks
This Mum needs some wine, yes it’s time yes it’s time
Time for this tired Mum to have wine
So settle yourself, in your warm cosy bed
And ignore all those thoughts swirling round in your head
It’s time to sleep now, little man, I won’t fall for your stay-up-late-plan
I’ve had enough of your yelling, and farting, and doing what you can,
To stay out of bed and deprive Mummy of wine (the wine in the fridge, the wine that is fine)
At last, oh at last, could that be a snore?
It is! Oh it is! I shall creep out the door!
I shall dance down the stairs and prance round the room
And narrowly avoid tripping over the broom
For it’s time! Yes it’s time! For this Mum to have wine
Oh the joy that I feel, now my wine is poured, cool and fine
Oh it’s time, the best time, for my large glass of wine.
So join me, tired Mummies, in raising our glasses,
To our tiny – yet lovely – pains in the asses.