Things Parents Should Just Stop Bothering With

You know what? I’ve decided that our lives would be a damn site easier if we just let go occasionally. So, here’s the top seven things parents should just stop bothering with.

Tidying Up After Our Children

The little buggers are only going to mess things up again, throw their toys all over the place, drop crumbs everywhere they walk, spill drinks. Why not maintain a nice level of mess? Perhaps make your own room a shrine to shine and minimalism, and let the rest of them live in their own muck. They may get sick of it eventually, and think of all the time you’ll have to bugger around on the internet instead of cleaning!

Cleaning Children’s Faces

I’m noticing a pattern here already. How many times a day do you wipe your child’s face? Why are you bothering? They’re only going to smear sandwich all over it in ten minutes time, or faceplant in that handy patch of mud; the only one in a three mile radius. Why not let them get filthy, and only wash it off just before bed? The urchin look is so in this season.

Face three

Buying Nice Clothes

It’s almost impossible to resist cute baby clothes. There’s something about things in miniature that just pulls at the heart strings. However, you can guarantee that within 5 minutes of dressing your baby in such a cute outfit, they will projectile vomit and/or shit on it. And those frills just won’t wash. Forget about it. Buy a pack of 10 babygro’s from the cheapest shop you know and be done with it. Mucky little toerags.

Buying Expensive Toys

Another theme – there’s no point in buying those brightly coloured noisy “educational” toys, not because your baby/child will vomit and/or shit on it (though let’s face it, they probably will) but because they will just ignore it. No child worth its salt will want to play with a toy when there is a TV remote to hand. Or the cardboard box said toy arrived in. The discarded wrapping paper of the box is EVEN BETTER. Why bother? Give them a saucepan and a spoon and they’re happy for hours.

Cooking Healthy Food

I’m not saying don’t try. I’d bloody love it if my kid ate home made hummus and carrot sticks, but the fact is he thinks that tastes like arse. He’d rather have a biscuit. All the hours you spend slaving over meals that get thrown on the floor or pushed around a plate are surely a grand waste of time when the monsters will only declare they aren’t hungry until the moment you get in a rage and chuck it in the bin when suddenly they decide they want cereal for dinner. Don’t stress it. Just make them what they like; any feeding expert will tell you as long as they are eating something they are fine. Once they are old enough to reason with you can terrify them with pictures of America’s Fattest People and get them to eat a wider variety of food. Or you could be sneaky like me, and hide the healthy stuff.

Expecting Them To Be Polite

I’m not saying don’t teach them manners – it’s easy to teach your child to say please, thank you and excuse me (“ta” was one of my boy’s first words) Just don’t expect them to remember it’s rude to wipe their noses on the curtains or fart in the library. Loudly. Kids are gross, and will do gross things, end of. There’s no point in wasting your energy being embarrassed; shaming us is in their DNA.

Caring What Other People Think

Seriously, just stop right now. If your child is fed, watered, warm and loved then you are doing just fine. It really does not matter how you are achieving those things. Got the Breastapo after you because you bottle feed? Tell them to suck it. Let your kid stay up late because it doesn’t seem to matter to them either way? Just do it. If you’ve asked an innocent question online and got trolled, tell them to go stick their opinions up their bottoms sideways. Your kids, your choices, your life. Screw the haters, your way is just fine.

 

 

 

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33 thoughts on “Things Parents Should Just Stop Bothering With

  1. Haha!! Perfect… So true!! I only tidy once after my little man has gone to bed, also yeah cleaning faces constantly is just a no no… Kids getting lucky is part of them exploring and shows that they have had adventures!! My little prince is currently covered in PVA after helping me craft DIY bunting for his birthday party… I shall clean him after lunch and not a minute sooner!!

  2. I’ve started buying all the Popple’s clothes at second-hand stores or Primark because she throws food down everything she owns. I don’t see the point of expensive things either, since she only wants to play with non-toy things anyway. My mobile phone. Chapstick. A plastic carrier bag. We spent a week on holiday with no toys and she didn’t miss them in the slightest. #chucklemums

  3. THE FACES!

    I have two year old twins and they always ALWAYS have shit on their faces. I must wipe them off one hundred times a day…doesn’t matter.

    I quit.

    I am a quitter.

    #chucklemums

  4. We piss away a fortune in baby wipes. They wipe faces, carpets, shoes, clothes and sometimes walls. It’s a never ending battle, just like tidying. I completely agree with all of it but I’ll still manage to care what people think!

    #chucklemums

  5. Brilliant! I definitely have times when I do these and think “why do I bother?!” – you just know you’ll have to do it again in about ten minutes’ time. The last one is my favourite though – definitely agree with the advice to stop bothering about what other people think πŸ™‚

  6. Caring what other people think is a big one. I quickly realised that everyone seems to have an opinion when it comes to kids, They will almost certainly be an expert and their child will definitely be the best behaved ever. I don’t give a ‘hoot’ what anyone thinks….Mother in-law included. #chuckemums

  7. Mrs OMG is the queen of all these and I am the opposite. (With the healthy food thing, thats the other way round)

    It only torments Little Miss OMG having her face wiped everything time it’s dirty. Much easier to throw her in the bath at the end of the day and soak it all off in one go.

    Great post #chucklemums

  8. What a great list! This is so very true. I especially agree with the first one. I don’t know why I keep trying to pick up his toys when I know he will just dump themy out again lol. #EatsleepblogRT

  9. I gave up a long time ago about the cleaning, even before having Baba! I really don’t care what people think even if it’s annoying when they feel free to give their opinion about how to deal with your kid. I mean if they are so concerned, why don’t they make themselves a baby instead of telling me what to do with mine?…. so true about baby clothes, we can’t stop ourselves from buying lol #Chucklemums

  10. Most of my daughter’s clothing is second hand. I go nuts when she messes up the new stuff. She’s constantly drooling and most of the time I let her get on with it. Some battles aren’t meant to be won. #chucklemums

  11. I’ve pretty much stopped bothering will ALL of these already! Especially the face wiping. She whines and wriggles and I never get all the porridge out of her eyebrow anyway, so I figured I might as well leave it all over her face. #Chucklemums

  12. Amen to that. All of these are spot on. My children, or at least my daughter will only eat bloody biscuits, neither of them ever have a clean face for more than 2 seconds and seriously what is the point in tidying? It is a giant waste of everyones time because it looks nice for the hours we are all in bed and nobody bloody sees it anyway! #chucklemums

  13. Nah, literally no point in nice clothes. Never a Boden or Joules thread shall grace this house, unless Boden have sent me one of their Β£10 vouchers and I find a kids t-shirt for Β£8. Genuine true story. #chucklemums

  14. All that stuff, it’s relentless! Why do we do it? I totes agree with all you say, esp about the toys. Our house is full of brightly coloured plastic stuff which just gathers inches of dust whilst a blanket and two chairs = hours of fun! #chucklemums

  15. Haha. Some parts of this post made my eyelid twitch. I HAVE to wipe my kids’ faces, and I make them clean up their toys all the time. Doesn’t matter if they mess it up again, I will out-stubborn them on cleanliness.

    I totally agree on expensive toys, though. I love making my girls fun stuff out of junk around the house.

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