Weird Crap My Kid Says

I’m fairly sure that all kids are weird. I thoroughly enjoy those Reddit threads where people share stories of strange or downright creepy stuff kids have come out with.

The boy has quite a good stock of weird crap, or funny stuff too. Here’s a few that I can remember (*makes note to write them all down in future*)

Me: “You’ve got lovely coloured eyes darling. Lovely green and brown, I wish mine were more that colour. What colour do you think mine are?”

Boy: *stares intently into my eyes* “Yours are table with a bit of muck and black coloured”


Daddy: “Where would you like to go on your holidays?”

Boy: “Butlins”

Daddy: “Really? I think I know a little boy who might like to go to Disneyland…”

Boy: “Oh god no, that’s 9 hours away!”

Me *falls about laughing*

There’s also the classic mispronounciation

Barber: “Hello young man, you look very brown, have you been on your holidays?”

Boy: “Yes, I’ve been to the Isle of Wight”

Barber: “How do you get there then?”

Boy: “On the Fairy Boat”

Barber: “…..”

Boy: “Daddy, get in the bath with me!”

Daddy: “Not tonight babe, I had a shower this morning”

Boy: “But if you get in the bath then you will smell really nice and your boss will smell you and he will pay you more money!”

Little weirdo.

boy having hair rinsed






36 thoughts on “Weird Crap My Kid Says

  1. Ha Ha kids are so funny! The kids got a point with Disney land – its a long way away (sighs at the thought of having to go to Butlins). #chucklemums

  2. Love the quote about your eye colour – although I’m guessing it was a little harsh? If kids wrote the names for wall paints they would be way more honest, accurate and funny!! #chucklemums

  3. They do say some cray-cray stuff.

    My middle child is my strangest and most imaginative.

    We always joke that she is either a creative genius…or a little mentally ill 😉


  4. Ha ha this is brilliant! I want to go on the fairy boat! I keep meaning to write down some of the things the ‘big one’ comes out with….most recently being….that donkey has a vagina…yep definitely a vagina…..*Mummy’s jaw hits the floor* #chucklemums

  5. He is so funny! I love how kids talk, well… sometimes! I would have found it real hard not to have burst out laughing. Still laughing about the colour of your eyes. #chucklemums

  6. When parents of smalls tell me something funny their kid said, I always say: write it down, because from experience, you forget – even the funniest things. These are great! Alison x #Chucklemums

  7. Haha – hilarious! I’m with him on Disneyland – totally not worth 9 hours on a plane! Love the fairy boat. & no one should EVER ask a child to describe their eye colour (or anything else about their appearance) if they value their self esteem! #chucklemums

  8. Oh the fairy boat to the Isle of Wight what a great way to travel.
    Wonder if he will still feel the same way about washing when he hits the teenage years. Mine have become allergic to water!!

  9. The wife and I were under the duvet late at night recently when 9yr old barged in shouting:

    ‘Let me tell you some facts about Hitler’.


    Apparantly Hitler only had one ball and I nearly lost both of mine in the panic.

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