I’ve worked my entire adult life, as I imagine have the majority of women my age these days. I’ve been earning my own money, in various crappy-boring-not bad-brilliant jobs (as I progressed through the ages!) since I was 13.
From chalet cleaning on a holiday campsite right through to strategising communications for a major, national charity project, I’ve pretty much had every job in the book.
But now I don’t have a job. The pressures of a commute to school, plus a commute to working compressed hours through the week, jumbled together with a crappy, exhausting health condition meant something had to give, and work was the only thing (I can hardly give up being Mum!)
So now I’m a stay at home Mum, which is somewhere I never thought I’d see myself. It’s been a couple of weeks now, but I’m not settled.
These weeks have consisted so far of going to the gym, and tidying the house. I’ve gone mad on my wardrobe, and charity shopped about 80% of it, and I’ve pulled my calf muscle during an aqua aerobics session with women 40 years older than me (blaming the demonic instructor for that)
To me, this sounds like I must be one of those Mum’s. A ‘Yummy Mummy’. Or a gym mum as one of my school Mum’s kindly put it. There’s hordes of them at our school, they all turn up to the school run wearing colour coordinated gym kit (right down to the manicures I kid you not) and then do the collection in 5 inch heels. I can’t fit in with them, I don’t even brush my hair some mornings! How are they so awesome??
I tried speaking to my own Mum about this, but she told me I should feel grateful that we’re in a position that I don’t HAVE to work. That lots of women would kill to be in my position. Which of course makes me feel really bad – surely there are just as many SAHM’s who would love to work but can’t afford it, for similar reasons to me? It’s each to their own isn’t it? Is our only true value in what we do for our children?
After a life time spent basing my value on the work I’ve done and the money I earnt, this change is really bloody hard and I’m struggling to cope with it. I’m not a natural born mother, I don’t think up all these fantastic activities and outings, I don’t love every single moment. I feel inadequate, guilty, and a bit lost.
Has anyone else been through this? Am I just despicably selfish? I don’t know what a Yummy Mummy is, but I’m starting to wish I did.
I’ve somehow managed to get myself nominated for ‘best new blog’ at the MAD Awards 2016 *does small squee* I would LOVE another nomination, if you have a minute.