What’s a Mummy worth?

“What do you mean?” I hear you cry “A Mummy is a gift beyond imagination, a paragon, a saint!”

Yes quite. Sickening hallmark cards aside, what are we worth? Let’s talk Cold. Hard. Cash.

Pregnancy. I literally made another human being. I kept them safe, snug and warm for 9 months (and three days – that’s extra) I didn’t even drink much!

So, 9 months physical work – feeling sick, having boob pain from hell, lugging around a lead-lined watermelon with a bladder-splatting penchant, what’s that worth? It’s definitely a 24 hour job, so let’s say AT LEAST 2k per month.

And what about labour?! How much would you pay NOT to feel like you’re trying to do a World Record Breaking poop with your bottom sewn shut? Quite a bit I reckon. I’d happily pay at least £500 minimum (I’m not rich)

And then there’s those blissful early days of being woken up by a small squawking creature whose only aim in life is to gnaw on your poor abused boobs and do extremely violent things in their nappy. You can give me the £15 a week I could have spent on formula (times that by 9 months = (£540) And do you know how much a maternity nurse is? According to here, it’s £18 per hour (at all hours) so let’s have that for the first three months…right where’s my calculator…ok, there are 2190 hours in three months, at £18ph…that’s £39,420. Nice.

After that, a full time live-in Nanny is £410 per week – let’s have that for the rest of the first year, that’ll beeeee….£14,760.

So! How much have we earned just for that first year of being Mummy?  According to my mercenary maths, at least £73, 220. Wow! We’re rich! I didn’t even include any of the heavy lifting (or the cleaning or the endless washing or the ironing or the cooking).

Of course no amount of money compares to the endless love, cuddles and general happiness your babies bring you…but admit it, it would be nice wouldn’t it?  😉

What is a Mummy Worth?Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

93 thoughts on “What’s a Mummy worth?

  1. Ahaha love it. We should be rich, for sure!! Seriously, pregnancy and labour should be extremely highly paid. We brought a child into the world! With our bodies!! It’s like magic and people pay a lot to see magicians…

  2. This is very true. Parents should be the highest paid people around, given the incredible outcome of their work (and also, the hours must break the working time directive 😉 ) It always surprises me how lowly paid nursery staff, childminders etc are, given the importance of their work.

    1. Yes definitely. They get paid a lot more in Scandi countries, probably another reason those kids do so well – staff better trained and well motivated! X

  3. This is genius. I NEVER thought about it like that. So, now I’m 3/4 of the way through my second mat. leave, I should have amassed enough to go on holiday to the Maldives WITH my private entourage of nannies, yes? Brilliant. Now, who do we speak to to implement this ..? #KCACOLS

  4. Ha ha – excellent! I remember a post the went viral that a guy wrote about how he couldn’t really afford his wife if he had to pay her for the work she actually did – hilarious really – you have well and truly earned those ££££ – funny! #KCACOL

  5. Ha! Wouldn’t that be great to be rewarded financially for the hardest job in the world! So, like you say, nothing compares to the love that we didn’t know was even possible until we had a child, but £73, 220 – yes please! Thanks so much for linking up with #KCACOLS. Hope you return next Sunday 🙂

  6. I’d sign that petition.

    Thing is, what price on a newborn snuggle or smile, or first steps or a first word (even if it is the fecking dog’s name?!). We are blessed.

    Still never want to do it again though

  7. Being a mum is by far the hardest job I’ve ever done – I think that seems like a pretty reasonable compensation to me! You’re right, nothing compares to those special moments and I wouldn’t give them up for the world, but in all seriousness, it’s interesting to approach parenthood in these terms – if it was a paid job we’d all be rich! #KCACOLS

  8. Oh I love this and completely agree. We should all be millionaires, no multi-millionaires, no what I am I saying we should totally be BILLIONAIRES because we are doing the hardest but fabbest (is that a word? It is now!) job of all!!!! Yaaaaaay go MUMS! We rock! 🙂 #KCACOLS

  9. I was doing mental calculations at your first paragraph…honestly I think you’ve undersold the pregnancy and childbirth…lets round the whole figure up by at least 10k!! There must be some sort of bonus scheme available too… #KCACOLS

  10. Love it! Whenever The Hub gets a strop on about the housework i always mention how much full ti,e childcare would cost him if i buggered off to work. That soon shuts him up! Great post! #KCACOLS

  11. Ha, I love this!!! Being a parent is definitely tough work and one, if it were any other actual ‘job’, one would be stinking rich for! There are so many demands, no breaks, not to mention the emotional aspect of it! Ah well, the smiles and giggles are pretty rewarding 😛 #KCACOLS

  12. I’m thinking now about what I could spend it on… Our house costs that much! Could pay the mortgage off in a year, that’s far too sensible, spa days and fancy cars… #kcacols

  13. A former co-worker of mine has a file where she keeps all the receipts of costs incurred from the day her baby was born – hospital fees, diapers, infant formula and now college fees! She says she will claim the day her son is financially independent! LOL!


  14. Most days, those cuddles are all the payment I need. But on the really, really hard days… The money would be nice too! #KCACOLS

  15. Ha if only we were paid that eh! I often say to my OH ‘if I got paid for the hours I put in rah rah rah….’ He normally rolls his eyes but you have clearly proved my point. I will be shoving this post in his face! Brilliant post lovey xx #KCACOLS

  16. Lead-lined watermelon with a bladder-splatting penchant…best description ever!!!Who do I submit my bill too? I am doubling the fee for playdates and being woken in the night..and bank holidays..Fantastically funny post! #KCACOLS

  17. Awesome post. I haven’t really thought about how much I’m “worth” before as a mum. Maybe I should calculate it myself. My daughter’s love is all I need, though… well, I wouldn’t mind the cash either! #chucklemums

  18. Wow; I reckon you have been super generous!! What about the long term wear and tear to the body? I was all a-go with your piece; and then I saw that beautiful, final photo. Absolutely priceless. #chucklemums

  19. Oh, to have a £73,220 salary! I think we definitely deserve it. I love the bit about a ‘World Record Breaking poop with your bottom sewn shut’, by the way – that’s probably the best description of labour I’ve ever heard. #chucklemums

  20. Parenthood is definitely priceless, but if you want to pay me, that would be awesome! I have over 14 years of backpay due. Ha! The labour is well described, it bought back memories…not pleasant ones but hey! #KCACOLS

  21. Snorting with laughter at “a World Record Breaking poop with your bottom sewn shut”! (It bloomin is isn’t it? Like pooing a cannon ball. Yet why don’t they describe in like that in the Bounty books?) And then after going through that you literally get sent into about 50 different jobs with little or no training. PAY RISE PLEASE!!! (Wine accepted as alternative to monthly BACS transfer) . great post and i am loving #chucklemums !

    1. I’m glad! We’re having a little break for Fran skiving off somewhere (shh!) but we’ll be back in a fortnight. 😀

  22. Ha ha brilliant – I wish I could make this much in my nursing job let alone in my mum job! But you are right those cuddles almost make up for it, I reckon it probably covers half, where can I get my other £35K?? #kcacols

  23. That much money will definitely come in handy! But still nothing to compare to their love!

  24. Yep!! Being on call 24 hours and considering our range of skills (cook, nurse, teacher, referee, etc. Etc. ) I think it should be at LEAST that!! Thanks for hosting #chucklemums

  25. YUP. That would be splendid. The amount of hours I spend during the night should be double. #chucklemums

  26. I may have frequently told my husband how much money I’d saved us by breast-feeding and justified some little extra treats for myself accordingly! I didn’t charge for any of the other stuff like pregnancy though so he still got a bargain right?! #chucklemums

  27. Haha! Now if there was just someone around to pay us all that, we’d be set! (Perhaps Trump could have done it instead of putting the money into thinking he should be President. He should not. The money would be better spent on us!) #chucklemums

  28. OMG- when you put it like that! You did the math! Didn’t realise how low the basic pay actually was!!! I would happily take a back payment. But the bonuses are huge, much like the poops when you’ve just changed a nappy! I agree – priceless! Thanks for hosting, looking forward to reading some more blogs later xx

  29. If you priced mumdom like a service – childcare, housekeeping, gardening, cooking etc – then we’d cost a small fortune to replace. And we do it for love and cuddles 🙂

  30. Kind of feeling short changed now I’ve read this 😉 To be honest I would still swap the cash for coffee and cake though but this is genius xx #kcacols

  31. Oh yes, I agree with you!! We definitely worth that much!! lol Great post Sarah!! It made me think a lot how much we do every day and how bad is it that nobody recognises it properly!! I want my money please!! LOL Thanks so much for sharing this post at #KCACOLS. I love having you here. You are amazing. You have commented so much this week!! I really appreciate it Sarah!! I really hope to see you again later tonight or tomorrow, 🙂 xx

  32. I like your thinking!! I did actually quote the “cost of formula” maths at the hubby when rationalising numerous shoe related purchases in the early months. I hadn’t even considered the additional wages that I was due?? How remiss of me? The hubby will be thrilled… *rushes to get calculator and logs on to Debenhams*
    Brilliant! Thanks for hosting #chucklemums x

    1. Haha! And we’re always told “it’s the most important job in the world” so surely we should be getting paid?! 😉

  33. Wow I never realised how much I should be making just from being a Mummy! You should pitch this to the government as an actual job – it would heavily reduce numbers of unemployment 🙂 Especially as I have two kids – id be rolling in it! Thanks for hosting #chucklemums

  34. Ha ha ha. That sounds like my kind of salary 😉 This is the most important job in the world and yes it’s true that the rewards are priceless (my first smile, for example, was amazing) but still, I’m sure Mother would like a bit of cash in her pocket to spend at Asos…;) #chucklemums

  35. LOL just pure maths…can you imagine? plus the sleepless nights, the counselling when they grow, their nutrition issues, just wanting happy meals…and when you’ve got 2 children, double the salary..haha great post.

  36. Well, £73, 220 would certainly help us through the more ‘challenging’ days of motherhood. I reckon I could handle any amount of tantrums if I was being paid that!
    And by the way “How much would you pay NOT to feel like you’re trying to do a World Record Breaking poop with your bottom sewn shut?” = pure gold. So funny x #Chucklemums

  37. Haha this sounds great. There’s so much we can claim; night shift allowance, danger money! How do we get this started? I must be owed a fortune for having made 3 of them. I shall be rich x oh I am rich in love and pride #chucklemus

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