Why being a parent is crap when you’re ill. 

I have a cold. Yes I know it’s hardly the end of the world but it is RUBBISH feeling ill when you have a small child.

Children do not give a shit that you are ill. As far as I can work out, they are mini-psychopaths until well past 4 (we are at 4.5 and showing no real signs of empathy or ability to PLAY BY YOURSELF FOR FIVE BOLLOCKING MINUTES WHILE I FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF)

You can’t go for a nap because SOMEONE will figure out the childproof oven and burn their limbs off.

You can’t complain to your other half because he will tell you it’s your own fault for not eating healthily enough. Like I have time to do anything but hoover up left over fishfingers and waffles!

You can’t dope yourself stupid with drugs because small boy wants to play 157 games of bowling with you on the Wii, each of which he will lose because he is 4 but you will tell him he’s won because otherwise he’s likely to throw the remote at your head in a competitive rage.

I don’t know why I am always ill either at weekends or on no childcare days. Sod, whoever you are, your law is a BASTARD.

*scowly face*

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